By Sarah Doherty, a Relationship counsellor and sex therapist. Since 2009 Sarah has been helping hundreds of couples and individuals to create more satisfying relationships and sexual intimacy. Everyone deserves to have happy relationships and sex. To help you we have our expert Sarah on hand to share advice.
“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly” Sam Keen
So we’re well into the new year and how do you feel? Excited and joyous about another year in your partnership or dreading the next time you have the same argument and wondering where it when wrong and how to get your needs met?
We are supposed to express our needs and our partners are supposed to hear us and respond accordingly. We’re told it’s just all about good communication. Well that all sounds simple and easy doesn’t?
This sort of socialization begins at nursery where we teach children to share and be kind. It’s a primal message we are given from the very beginning of social interaction. So why doesn’t this work then when you ask time and time again for your partner to do more in the house or come home earlier and they don’t?
This expectation of someone else doing what you ask and meeting your needs is in all honesty at the root of many relationship issues. A truth that doesn’t sit too well with most of us is the idea that no one can really meet your needs reliably and consistently other than you.
Most couples fall into this trap and it’s when the list of things that should be done or given begins to feel like a huge pressure and demand, that couples get disillusioned. Most people want to give freely when they are inspired, or when they feel loved and understood, not when told to. That’s why it’s all so easy at the beginning where everyone is out to please and there haven’t been disappointments or conflicting needs to navigate.
Of course, you deserve to be loved and cherished but you can’t demand it from someone else, particularly when you aren’t doing it for yourself. So be the person in a relationship that you want to be, love yourself, be healthily selfish and able to receive as well as give love.
Visit Sarah’s website for more information on her work
Come back next week for Sarah’s ways to create real-life love and intimacy!