I had such fun this week sharing my thoughts on sex with Katie Taylor of the Latte Lounge and Renee Denyer from Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium as part of our #LetsGetIntimate month in partnership with Sylk Natural lubricant.
Watch now – and read on for some great offers on Sylk & Sh!
Talking about sex helps give your perspective on what you’re going through. I love being physical, love human contact, sex and everything the goes with it, the theatre, the build-up, the teasing, exploring, the release, the softness
But I was shocked by how midlife affected me sexually, emotionally – physically. The hot sweats, anxiety, low libido, dryness I have experienced them all. Midlife and sex is complicated, but with the right attitude, determination and small changes you can find a new freedom in midlife, new adventures a new sexual mindset.
1. Why do you feel sex is such an important part of life?
Apparently we are getting like Pandas having less and less sex. We used to have sex three times a week but now its more like 3 times a month.
I think it is important to keep sexually active in a way that suits you, because:
- Intimacy, touch, connection is a human need.
- Sex is a way of releasing stress,
- Beneficial for ageing
- It releases oxytocin a happy drug
- It gets the blood flowing
- It keeps your vagina in better health
2. Is life without sex a good option do you think?
Lots of people go years without sex, there are times of life that due to young children, medical issues, personal or mental trauma, sex is less important. But for many they drift into a sexless life and find it distressing and they suppress desires. The more you go without it the more you can go without it, but sex is good for you physically and mentally, and requires making an effort just like keeping fit or eating the fresh foods.
A life without sex is a life choice you can make, it’s a decision and because a lot of sexual desire and libido starts in the brain it is possible to live without sex.
3. So many people have anxiety about sex, can you break this down? Do you think it’s to do with body self-confidence at our age? How can women feel more confident in their own skin be that in a long-standing relationship or a new one?
You can have anxiety about sex at every and age and also body confidence issues – I was bulimic in my 20s/30s and had confidence and relationship issues. For me it is a journey of making small changes to build up confidence in yourself. These are my tips:
- Exercise is a certified mood booster and releases endorphins (the happy hormones)
- Eating healthy
- Plenty of sleep
- Make time for you
- Change your internal voice – talk to yourself as you would talk to your best friend. Focus on things you like about yourself.
- Take care of your vagina – use vaginal moisturiser and vaginal lubrication.
- Do not compare yourself with other people – only follow positive people on social media.
- Express your inner sassy side – buy things that make you feel good on your body, like new lingerie or a fancy dress.
- No one is perfect. Think of the bits about yourself you like, curves, softness, being a real woman feels wonderful.
- If you’re worried you won’t reach orgasm and will have to fake it, this can all be stressful – it’s a vicious circle the more anxious you are the less you can relax to have sex.
- Eat healthy so you feel better about yourself.
- Get intimate with your partner in other ways and build up to sex – try massage and masturbation.
4. How’s your sex life going? What have you found works best for you in your existing and past relationships – what little nuggets of information can you pass on to others?
I have a passionate sex life and I am with someone sporty and active inside and outside the bedroom. Sex and relationships during the menopause has been a learning journey for me
My top tips:
- Focus on the physical first. Sort out your hormones/HRT/testosterone gel/estrogen creams, sylke lube.
- If your hormones changes are menopausal or your vagina is dry get medical help. Insist on getting blood tests and do not just accept the first packet of HRT this may not be the right one for you or the right dose.
- Self-talk and self-pleasure – treat yourself well, buy new toys and appreciate parts of your body.
- Both make an effort – you may not always be in the mood, but you can build up to it.
- Do it at different times – not just at 11 at night.
- Experiment even just in small ways like trying massage.
Midlife sex is empowering. Make the most of your body and your life. Midlife is a phase of freedom – don’t write off the joy of connection and orgasms.
Save 30% on Sylk Natural Lubricant in February
‘Let’s get Intimate’ is brought to you in partnership with our sponsors Sylk Natural Lubricant.
Vaginal dryness affects most women at some stage in their lives, especially around menopause when hormones fluctuate.
Using a natural lubricant like Sylk Intimate to hydrate and soothe can make all the difference. It’s a plant and water-based, pH friendly lubricant that soothes vaginal dryness, itching and soreness. It’s also recommended by health professionals and NHS approved.
Sylk Natural is offering all Latte Loungers an exclusive 30% off during February. Simply head to Sylk.co.uk and use code LL30 at the checkout.
T&Cs: Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer. Offer ends midnight on 28 February 2021.
Save 15% on Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium
Sh! is offering all Latte Loungers 15% off your shop at www.sh-womenstore.com – simply enter LATTELOUNGE at the checkout.
T&Cs: Applicable from 11 Feb – 18 Feb 2021. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer.