Whether its navigating divorce, mid-life crisis’, changes in sex drive or dating someone new, relationships in midlife can be challenging. We’ve gathered some of the frequently asked questions that we have come across since Rejuvage started to help answer your queries.
Is your question not answered here? Ask our resident sex and relationship expert Sarah Doherty on our relationship section.
I’ve lost my sex drive, how do I get it back?
There are many things that can cause a loss of sex drive. If you think you are in menopause or perimenopause, this could be causing your issues with sex drive due to a lack of testosterone. Although testosterone isnt prescribed on the NHS, you may be able to get it through a private menopause specialist.
Loss of sex drive could also be caused by depression or tiredness. Arranging a weekend away or setting aside time for ‘date night’ can really help with overcoming the tiredness that stops you having sex. If you are concerned that you may be depressed, its best to talk to your doctor about your symptoms and help.
What do I do about vaginal dryness?
As women approach and are in the menopause, they may suffer from vaginal dryness. This is normally caused by decreasing levels of oestrogen in the body. There are obviously various options to solve this problem, but we highly recommend Sylk Lubricant. A conversation with your doctor is also worth considering as you may want to think about taking HRT.
How do I help my partner through a midlife crisis?
The best thing to do if your partner is struggling is to encourage them to seek help. Try to be supportive and see things from their perspective. Avoid acting like a critical parent as this will only encourage them to become the child in the relationship. The best thing to do if your partner is struggling is to encourage them to seek help, as talking it through with someone else who is removed from the situation can be important.
How do I reconnect with my partner?
It is easy for your relationship to take a back seat whilst life stress takes over. There are many simple steps that you can take to reconnect, but its important that you are both working on them together. Here are some of the simple things that can help:
- Going to bed at the same time
- Listen to your partner and make an effort to communicate
- Say please and thank you
- Don’t take your partner for granted
- Make time out from your busy lives for dedicated time together
Does marriage-counselling work?
In most cases, marriage counselling does work. There is a recognized rate of 80% success in marriage counselling. However, to be successful it needs dedication from both parties to make the relationship work.
How do I start dating again after divorce?
First steps are deciding if you are definitely ready to date. If you still feel dread about being in a relationship or doing on a date, usually this means its time to wait. Fear is normal, and if you want to date but feel scared don’t let that stop you. After being married, getting back into dating will always feel like a big thing, but it can also be great. Its important to know what you want from dating as well – do you want another long term partner or just a bit of fun? Go into it knowing what you want and being clear with your dates.
If you are going to use online dating make sure you pick the right site. Many have personality tests to help narrow down the search, and others are aimed at people with specific interests or backgrounds. You can browse most sites without building a profile or giving out your credit card details by clicking the “skip” button.
Don’t become obsessed with checking your messages throughout the day, just set time aside to look at them and stick to it. When you start talking to someone online, dont delay in making a date. If you like them, its best to meet face to face rather than drag out the chatting online.
What’s the best dating site in midlife?
There are many websites out there, but these are some of the ones we think are good:
Silver singles
Zoosk
Match
eHarmony
Ourtime
Should I stay friends with my ex?
It can be difficult to know whether to stay friends with an ex. If you have kids together, then working to being civil and having a friendship with your ex can be important for your kids dealing with the break-up. When the relationship was abusive then staying friends is probably not a good idea, and arrangements can be made through a third party. If there are no kids involved, as yourself if having that person in your life builds you up or pulls you down. If they are the type of person that makes you feel bad about yourself, then consider not trying to cultivate a friendship.
Got any other questions about sex or relationships? Ask our expert Sarah.
