It has become expected that men can have a midlife crisis’, but what about us women?
Yes, we have them too, but admittedly it is less openly discussed. According to the media its just men having affairs, buying fast cars and other stereotypes, but women normally aren’t so brash with their crisis’. We’re often more sensitive to what our families will think – plus we just don’t always have as much time on our hands!
Traditionally, women seem to have a natural nurturing device onboard and don’t wish to rock the boat as much as men. We also feel the need to continue to nurture our teenage children, elderly family (if we have them), or even our pets! It never stops!
So, then you wake up one morning and think ‘what’s it all about?’ Ground-hog day! How often do you ‘give your head a shake’ (I am guilty of saying this too much!), have your own little crisis and then get on with it? As busy women, any negative thoughts can normally be pushed aside. Or are you more likely to think that its time to change the drudgery and start afresh!
What would we change? Hubby? Car? House? Job? Location? Ourselves?
Quick Hot Sex
More and more women are responding openly to this midlife low. As seen on Apple Tree Yard, a BBC thriller adapted from the book by Louise Doughty, they are embarking in their version of a midlife crisis and seeking hot passionate sex with someone other than their partner – not always for a long-term relationship but for a thrill. More and more women are taking to Tinder and to embark ‘a bit of fun’ when they are bored or away from home. Tinder takes away the awkwardness as you state what you are after, have liked the images of each other and then the ‘meet’ can go ahead!
Other Ways To Cope
So the midlife crisis is not just about sex. Some women become obsessed with exercise, yoga, animals, evening classes, the list is endless. We do tend to try to find something to occupy ourselves with to prevent any possible crisis developing!
Sometimes the majority of life is ok, but you can still feel like you need a shake-up. You might feel like you’ve missed out on something. Although you have a happy relationship, lovely home, great kids…. you’ve got that nagging feeling that you’ve missed the chance to do something, to be someone. That now in midlife you are free enough to complete your journey but feel it’s a downhill ride?
Our children leaving home and suddenly the house is empty. We have time on our hands, and now have to start to rebuild our lives having lived through them. This can be quite depressing in own right.
Most divorces tend to be around 40 and 45, most male suicides are around that age, and the number of cocaine users doubles in a decade!
Should We Panic?!
By midlife your pension should be sorted, you’re settled at home, and happy at work. But if you haven’t been paying heaps of money into a private pension fund then the future is bleak for those relying on state ‘non-existent’ pensions. The idea of downsizing your property in later life to release equity can be a distant dream with houses and moving costing a fortune! As for work, there may be no pay rises on the horizon as money is tight, and younger cheaper options are available for employment.
At 51 I am definitely over halfway through. According to statistics even if I watch what I eat, keep fit, don’t smoke etc. my average age is 83! A bit of a wake up especially as the bucket list is still very long! I still sometimes envy others lifestyle’s – their cars, big houses, holidays, gardeners, clothes, their wrinkle-free Botox faces, their workout time. Then I stop and think. I look around and take stock, and ‘shake my head’ and go for a walk or a run and life seems back on track!!
My Ways To Prevent The Crisis Developing:
- Working Out. I go off to a hard workout class. My mind is blank, I push myself to exhaustion and the endorphins make me feel great. But any type of exercise is good whether it’s a brisk walk or a marathon – whatever clears your mind and enables you to think clearly.
- Help Someone. Help an elderly neighbour or a friend in need – doing something for someone else makes you feel good and makes you appreciate your own life.
- Chuck out your old stuff! Go to the dump. If you haven’t used it in the last year, throw it or sell it!
- Dress for you. Embrace your body shapewear what you feel good in, don’t conform!
- Accept the things you cannot change. Government issues, house prices, dirty laundry! Learn to accept.
- Learn to say no! If you don’t want to do something don’t! Lifes too short!
Written by Tracey from Rejuvage