This article was written by Lucy Blenkinsopp, a Health & Wellness Coach and Private Yoga Teacher from Dorset UK, follow her on Instagram. You can also book a free online consultation with her on Skype.
Online Dating in your 50’s!
Firstly, I feel that dating has changed according to my age and circumstances, although at the end of the day the outcome is the same, I am looking for someone! If only to share a coffee with occasionally!
Dating through the ages
When I was younger I was always trying to look and act older, as I aged I tried to make myself younger and now I am in my late 50’s it’s time to be honest and own it! Because this age is different from the rest.
I’m not the same woman as I was in my early 50’s and prior to that is completely different too.
The last time I dated I was about 42. I had 3 young children at home. so, it was never going to be easy. But in fact, it was, I met a guy on Direct Dating, he was perfect, we had a romance, got married and had a pretty good 15 years. Which was for both of us our PB.
But around the 14-year mark, we decided to choose to be courageous over the comfort in our lives and push ourselves out of our comfort zones and get divorced. We neither argued or discussed it in any great detail. We didn’t give each other the list of faults, we both just decided that it was the right thing to do and neither of us wanted to dent the sofa together; yet!
So, at 57 I find myself newly single. As a yoga teacher and Health and Wellness coach, you could say that I am fit and healthy. I have a strong, lean body and look pretty good for 57. But let me tell you. Looking good for 57 and looking good for 52 are a world apart.
Anyway…. So, at first when he moved out I was pretty sure that I didn’t want to meet anyone, and I’d rather hang out alone or with my girlfriends, but then I started to think about the possibility of romance and I quite liked that idea.
So, I had a look around online to see what the best course of action was.
My new dating rulebook
The trouble is that I don’t want to find a life partner & I’m not sure I believe in a soul mate, I don’t want a ONS (one-night stand), I don’t want someone around all the time, but equally I want them there enough. I just want a little romance without any hassle, basically on my terms, but with a man leading the way… hmmmm does that make any sense?
Then I have to work out what I would do differently to my other fairly successful marriages. I mean 12 and 15 years in my books are both good marriages, the fact I’m on good terms with them both indicates that they weren’t too bad, in fact, they were pretty good. Comparatively they were both better than most of the marriages that I’ve seen, but of course, you never really know what goes on behind closed doors…. Well, I know what went on behind my closed doors and it wasn’t arguing or confrontation it was more merry go round versus roller coaster.
Neither of which appeal to me and to be honest I don’t think I ever want a long-term partner, I’m probably more of a 3 years renewable contract type of girl.
How to date? Online pitfalls
So, anyway, I digress, I looked at three sites, a fitness one, a spiritual one and a classic one. I pumped for eHarmony as it looked the best from what I could see. I obviously didn’t look very hard, it’s in fact difficult to look, because they want you to sign up, so it’s actually hard to get a feel for it.
Come on guys!
So, I paid my 3 months subscription, I put my age range to 54 to 64 and my location radius started at 50km. The photos of these guys are ridiculous. They obviously don’t spend their time on Instagram like me. They cut off their heads, they have their motorbikes like a badge of honor, horrible front doors and even oven doors in the pictures. They show pics of themselves in a greasy cafe on holiday, in fancy dress or at a wedding in a seriously ugly bow tie. These guys have no idea.
In fact, there is a business right there, these guys need help… yes, trim your body hair, sort out your teeth, lose some of your belly, you don’t look cute with your dog, even though of course, your dog is super cute.
Anyway, so with eHarmony you fill in the questions and their computer match you. But unfortunately, I must have said the wrong thing because all my dates seem to say they are looking for a life partner and want to sit on the sofa and cuddle. Hamm hello…. I don’t want to do that. I want to lie on a white sandy beach and sunbathe and enjoy a romance.
The other problem I’m encountering is that I don’t drink…. this makes me sound like I’m boring. so, do I say, I drink occasionally, or do I fess up? Then do I confess about the sugar, dairy, animal products, yoga, meditation etc. etc.…. I mean… I’m just so boring, but that honestly said, my actual match/match is not someone I want to be with. I enjoy going to the pub, I just don’t want to drink, I like going to BBQ’s I just don’t want to eat hunks of pig…
Anyway, eHarmony is a complete waste of money, I wished I’d given my hundred quid to the local homeless guy. I even widened my search to ‘The World’ and generously smiled at a guy in Vancouver but he didn’t smile back. Maybe he thought it was a little far for a coffee?
Swipe for success
So anyway, someone at the yoga studio where I teach mentioned Tinder. I had always heard it was a shagging fest site, but apparently for us “Mature Adults” as opposed to “young adults” (who only get lower case) it is quite efficient. And this I am pleased to report is true.
So, I signed up to Tinder and immediately got into the groove of swiping: too old, too young, ridiculously bad pic, married, young kids, lorry driver… you get the picture… it’s not going to be easy… anyway I got a match with a guy who was pretty local, and he invited me for a coffee at our local beach. Despite the fact he spoke for an hour at me and didn’t ask me anything, he did respond to my questions. He has triplets, all of which I know their names and occupations and characters, he has a French grandmother, who speaks franglish and only one ex wife, single for 16 years, dyslexic, likes to cook in his open plan kitchen etc. etc. You get the picture… I know everything about this guy and he knows nothing about me…
I would say for a first date, it was a 6. Which I think is a good start. Anyway, not long after the date he sent me a text and said that although I was attractive and interesting, which he said was rare on Tinder, he didn’t think I was long term marriage material!! Well, that took away the wind in my sail… I mean he is right, I’m not looking for marriage… but he didn’t know that, because he didn’t ask me any questions… so I wasn’t sure how he got to this point. I was actually impressed with his detective work and replied perhaps he could give me dating tips over another peppermint tea…. but so far, he hasn’t replied…
So far, the best thing. I can say about dating at 57 is that it has made me laugh so much. The photographs, the attitudes, the weirdness of it all… I will keep you posted, it has only been a week so far, I’m sure my stories will get more adventurous. But the best advice I got from an Instagram friend is Enjoy the Journey and don’t have any attachment to the outcome. And that is exactly what I’m going with.
I have started a private Facebook group just for single ladies so if you’re interested in joining then please friend me on FB or Instagram and send me a message.
It’s going to be fun.