Whether you are an avid watcher of Strictly Come Dancing or haven’t watched one sequined minute, it’s impossible to avoid the tabloid storm surrounding one of the competing partners this week. The papers, Internet and Twitter have been outraged as pictures emerged of Seann Walsh and his dance partner kissing last week and cheating on their respective partners.
The ‘strictly curse’ is no new news, with people glued to their screens every year for hints of sexual tension between the dance partners. Not to mention many stories of contestants leaving their relationships. But amidst the outrage, endless paparazzi photos of all involved and calls for them to quit the show are real relationships and real people rocked by this public humiliation.
Seann Walsh’s now ex-girlfriend released a statement a few days after the scandal emerged. From supporting Seann at the show on Saturday night to finding out he had cheated on her, Rebecca Humphries has suffered perhaps the most humiliating and public break down of her relationship. But instead of letting the narrative run away with itself, her fierce statement outlined the truth of the matter. It reminded us all of all our own self-worth no matter what our partner has put us through.
“Those pictures were taken on October 3rd. It was my birthday. I was alone at home when Sean texted at 10pm saying the two of them were going for one innocent drink. We spoke and I told him, not for the first time, that his actions over the past three weeks had led to believe that something inappropriate was going on. He aggressively, and repeatedly, called me a psycho/nuts/mental. As he has done countless times throughout our relationship when I have questioned his inappropriate behaviour”
What Is ‘Gas Lighting’
A lot has been written about Seann’s behaviour over the last week. The term for behaviour like this in a relationship is ‘gaslighting’. It refers to one partner manipulating another into doubting their own sanity. This is done by repeatedly questioning their perceptions, memory or interpretation of events. Over time, this kind of behaviour wears people down and them to question their own sense of reality. This kind of behaviour is abusive. Its clear from Rebecca’s statement that she feels that she was on the receiving end of this. She was called crazy and a ‘psycho’ when questioning his behaviour, but her gut instinct turned out to be correct.
The Power Of Self Love
What is so important about her statement is the powerful message of self-love and self-worth. She even starts off her statement by saying, “I am not a victim”. She says what has happened reminded her that she is a “strong, capable person who is now free”. What she wanted to convey to others that feel worthless in their relationship is to “believe in themselves”.
“Its important also to recognise that these situation those who hold power over you are insecure and fragile and their need for control comes from a place of vulnerablity. “
Her message of self-love reminds us that being cheated on, gaslighted, controlled, or just treated badly in any way by a partner is not because of your own failings. It is their insecurity and their dysfunction that makes them exert their power to bring you down.
How To Start Loving Yourself
For many of us in these situations, however, it can be hard to recognise that. For some of us, it takes years to realise that how we’re treated is to do with the other person rather than ourselves. It’s easy to fall into the trap of wondering what made them cheat, whether its how we acted or our own bodies.
It’s important to remember when in the middle of being treated badly to love yourself.
- Surround yourself with good people that remind you of your worth.
- Take time to affirm yourself – reminding yourself of all your positive qualities and attributes
- Care for yourself – take time to look after your physical needs instead of thinking only of other peoples. Take time to relax, get enough sleep and eat well.
- Create boundaries – learn to say no to things that would be detrimental to looking after yourself. It may not be possible to always put yourself first, but make sure you don’t neglect your own needs.
If you’re going through something similar, whether it’s being cheated on or treated badly – take a leaf out of Rebecca Humphries book and remember that you are strong, you are capable, and you are worth more than you are getting.