“The idea that women in their prime of life don’t have or don’t even know about sex is hilarious” Kate Garraway
Last week, You Magazine published a survey all about sex in midlife, asking women age 45+ a variety of intimate questions about their love life.
The results were surprising for some (although not to all of us!) revealing that 58% having sex regularly (every week) with their partner.
Our culture and representation in the media can make you think that none of us has sex in midlife, but nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, the majority of women surveyed said they preferred sex in their 40’s to sex in their 20’s! And why not? By that age, we know what we like and what we don’t like and we’re less afraid to ask for it.
In Kate Garraway’s article in the You Magazine, she talks about the stigma around midlife sex. Whereas in her early dating life she spent too much time playing the part of the perfect girlfriend or worrying about how she was perceived, as she got older she found herself thinking more about what she wanted from a relationship rather than what her partner thought of her.
As she said herself, “ageing brings hard-won wisdom and a wonderful sense of freedom!”
31% of the women surveyed admitted that more sex would make their relationship stronger, and it may be no surprise that men are more likely to spontaneously want sex whereas women don’t feel in the mood until they are making love.
The 2 Week Challenge
Kate Garraway talks about how she and her husband took the two-week challenge. She admits that it was hard to find time for sex with the kids around, with their evening often disturbed by the kids. Taking the two-week challenge meant making time for sex every night for two weeks rather than waiting for the mood to hit. Romance and sex can often get pushed aside in midlife to other priorities, and many people see scheduled sex as unromantic. However, this regular thing encouraged intimacy, made them less stressed and bought them closer together.
She also talks about how she worries less about her physical imperfections in midlife, especially after having children and seeing the wonderful thing her body had done. Men often don’t notice those little imperfections we can stress over, and as we get older we realise how unimportant they are. Post-menopause, many women are freed from the fear of pregnancy and experienced enough not to be hampered by insecurity.
As well as being less insecure and being surer of what we want, midlifers know what’s important and that creating intimacy is what matters most. As well as having regular sex, ensuring you keep intimacy, honesty and fun in your relationship is the key to long-lasting love.
We may not be posting pictures of us in our thongs, saucy videos, or talking about sex on social media like they do on Love Island, but it doesn’t mean us midlife women can’t teach those millennials a thing or two (and we’re not just talking about the 72% of women who would consider dating a younger man!).
Images from www.instagram.com/youmagsocial