It’s that time of year, the stress of Christmas leads to a peak in breakups and new year divorces. It is time when emotions are high and any issues with your partner hit you in the face more than ever before. You may know that deep down that you need to start 2019 with a fresh start.
Family lawyer Miss O’Donnell highlighted the reality:
“The Christmas and New Year holidays are notorious for leading to an increase in divorce as relationships crumble following the pressures of the festive season and couples re-evaluating their futures at the beginning of a new year.”
The reality is many of us know deep inside long before Christmas that we are in the wrong the relationship and need to get out. I truly believe the road to having the best 2019 is to listen to your inner voice and if your relationship does not feel right then important to pay attention to what you are feeling and make some changes.
Often, we avoid the challenge of breaking up with someone, but doing this can make you unhappy, depressed, angry, numb and ill. For your own wellbeing is makes sense to look to see if you have some clear reasons to break up, which many of us feel. The pain of breaking up is real, but the signs you should split up are clear.
1. You Just Do Not Care Anymore
“You have the same fight for 10,000th time and realise you do not care anymore. You don’t care, you don’t get upset, you don’t cry, you go on” – Stephanie
“Feel empty, like there is a big void in your life where the relationship used to be”
“I knew when my ex-cursed me out while he was drunk for the last time. It was like a calm washed over me and I stopped caring” Rachel
“Every time you revaluate things, they keep getting worst with no hope for change in a positive way ever.” – Tammie
2. You’re Not Excited About The Festive Season
“I just can’t be bothered to buy him anything and dread his family coming around again” – Jane
If you’re like Jane and have lost all excitement for sharing Christmas together and a pair of socks or vouchers will do for the gifts then maybe it’s time to wrap up the relationship instead of gifts. Not everyone loves the festive season, but when you have lost the passion for sharing it with your partner it could be a sign the stuffing has gone.
3. It hurts yourself worth
“When it hurts you more than it makes you happy. When it’s toxic, prevents you sleep, or makes you physically ill” – Amanda
Relationships can be tough and cause lots of hurts. Where your partner cheats, undermine you in public, criticise you constantly – there are many ways someone can undermine yourself worth and make you unhappy. Often the intensity of these feelings can increase around the festive season, when you decide it is time to move on.
4. You’re Dry and Your Libido Is Gone
“Your empty, numb and done. And your VA is drier than the Sahara Desert! Sex drive completely gone. It’s not peri-menopause… or stress… not the kids or because your tired. It’s because he has hurt you” – Brenda
The excitement has gone, your desire has gone and it is not medical. We know that a normal sex life has highs and lows, but when you actually do not like them touching you, you look at him and do not find them attractive, or you prefer you sex toys then it is time to question why you are staying because intimacy is important.
5. You’re Irritated and Pick Fights
“When absolutely everything he does irritates you to the point that you make a case about it. When you feel more like roommates and you hope and pray he has a business trip soon, so you can get some peace.” – Lisa
Picking fights and feeling infuriated by things that you used to find endearing is a sure sign it is time to more on.
6. You’re Bored and Indifferent
“The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference,”
Rachel says and when you feel nothing it is a clear sign you need to move on. Compare this with the feeling when you meet someone and get excited every time you see them and want to spend lots of time together. If the person you’re with bores you, or they are not bringing what you want into your life, then you are compromising if you stay. A relationship should add value not induce dull feelings – so maybe it’s time to find someone who adds excitement.
7. You Avoid Planning The Future Together
‘I used to have a partner that always planned holidays six months ahead, which made me feel so trapped’
Laura found herself in a typical scenario her partner felt vulnerable in the relationship so kept planning the future to feel in control. While secretly she wanted to do things alone she kept giving it one last go. Planning the future in a relationship should be fun, if your avoiding it then it is a sure sign something is wrong.
Life’s Too Short
There is never an easy time to end a relationship. But Christmas brings a lot of emotions to the fore and the prospect of a new year enduring the same old relationship is often a jarring realisation that now is the time to move on. So, listen to your inner voice and act now and make the most of the new year. Life is too short to compromise and be in a relationship that does not feel right.